Timothy Michael Crandall - Online Memorial Website

This memorial website was created to remember my dear son Timothy Michael Crandall who was born in Michigan on October 19, 1976 and passed away on November 30, 2008 at the age of 32.

Timmy left this earth way too soon. I miss him to pieces but I know that he is with the Lord and that one day I will be there with him.

Timmy will live forever in our memories and hearts.
 

 I am writing this letter to my dearest friends and family to let you know where I am today since I lost my beautiful son Timmy.

I need to say thank you today for your support at his funeral as many times I started to write the thank you cards and could not bring myself to continue as I was paralyzed with grief.

I write this because I feel that it is impossible for anyone to really understand the enormous paralyzing effect that follows you after losing a child unless you have had a significant loss. I too, did not understand nor had the capability to understand until it happened to me, so I write this to give to you the tender insight that I have experienced.

It has been almost 1 year since I lost my precious Timmy.  His birthday is coming up soon and Timmy’s one year anniversary of his death is upon me, with that I am at a loss as how I will be able to handle those special days.

The pain is so unbearable at times I don’t know how I get through the day, but I do manage one minute at a time. I need to let you know that I am grieving, and I will continue to grieve for as long as it takes me to learn how to live without my Timmy.  I have been crying everyday now since he passed, some days more and others less, but I need to cry.  My tears are a reflection of the deep love that I have for Timmy and I am so grateful to have loved him so deeply as I love my other children too.  Nothing you say will make me cry or stop me from crying, and yes it is okay for me to cry.  I need to grieve.  I attend grief counseling to help me get through this and I am finding out that this is a long and difficult process and that I am having a difficult time understanding.  Although I will NEVER get over losing Timmy, I must learn to live with this hole in my heart. Please don’t act like nothing happened when you see me. Please don’t change the subject or neglect to mention Timmy’s name in a conversation.  Instead ask me how I am, and if I cry during our conversation, don’t apologize because you did nothing wrong, you did not make me cry. You can ask me if I would like to talk about Timmy.  If it is too uncomfortable for you to do so, then that is okay, but know that I need to talk about Timmy.  I need to keep Timmy alive in my thoughts, my heart and in my soul. My tears are a sign of my recovery.  Just know that you will never make me cry, you will not hurt me by speaking his name. You will bring me joy!

Most people will say that I should be over it by now, or I should get on with my life.  I am getting on with my life. There will never be a day that goes by that I will not miss Timmy.  Please ask yourself this question, “if this happened to you, what day would you stop crying, what day would you stop missing your loved one”.  Please know that losing a loved one and to me especially losing a child leaves a gaping hole in one’s heart.  We as mothers are to protect our children, not bury them.

At times you will find me “not myself”, because I am not. My life changed completely and intensely forever the day that Timmy passed. Just looking at his prayer card and thinking to myself, “I cannot believe this happened, I cannot believe that this is his picture on there”… it’s just not supposed to happen this way.

More than ever, I need your love, your understanding and your presence in my life. You don’t always have to know what to say or even say anything at all.  Your presence, a hug or a caring touch lets me know that your care. Just a phone call or a message that say’s “ I just want you to know that I’m thinking about you” or “how are you doing” when I don’t hear from you I think that you do not care but I know better. I know that if I were in your shoes, I would not know what to say or do…. Now I know… now you know. Please don’t wait for me to call you, sometimes I am so tired and tearful to do so. If I tend to withdrawal please don’t let me. Pray for me that I would come to see meaning in my loss and that someday I would know God’s comfort and love. It does help me to know that you are praying for me.

This loss is so painful and right now it feels like the worst thing that could ever happen to me. But I will survive and eventually recover and learn to live with this. I cling to that knowledge even though at times I don’t feel it. I know that one day I will laugh again and I will find my joy.

Thank you for taking the time to read this and thank you for caring about me. Please continue to pray for me.

Feel free to light a candle for his birthday or just because! Just click on "candle" on the left! and you can leave a memory too!

We are connected, My child and I,

  By an invisible cord, Not seen by the eye.

It's not like the cord that connects us til birth,

   This cord can't be seen by any on earth.

 This cord does it's work right from the start,

  It binds us together, Attached to my heart.

I know that it's there, Though no one can see,

 The invisible cord from my child to me.

The strength  of this cord is hard to describe,

  It can't be destroyed, It can't be denied.

It's stronger than any cord man could create,

 It withstands the test, Can hold any weight.

   And though you are gone and not here with me,

 The cord is still there, But no one can see.

It pulls at my heart, I am bruised..I am sore,

 But this cord is my life line, As never before.

I am thankful that god connects us this way,

A mother and child...Death can't take that away!

                                 ~ Author Unknown

A child that loses a parent is an orphan, 
A man who loses his wife is a widower,
A woman who loses her husband is a widow, 
There is no name for a parent that loses a child,
For there is no word to describe the PAIN!!!!!!!

Hey big Bro i remember a lot of good things that we did and had together. I remeber when you were"away" and i cried my eyes out when you told me that you couldn't be there. I was so happy the day you came home from Florida and i had my big brother back again. Tim i always had your back just like you did mine, i will never forget how much we had fun together and tough times but no matter what we were always there for each other. It hurts a lot that i can't call you anymore or come stay the weekends like i used to. Please forgive me for not crying the day we laid you to rest i had to do i a private moment i talk to you every day and if i don't know that i think about you all the time. Remember we look a like...."No we don't" remember that. Every time i look in the mirror i see you or things that i say or do remind me of you and i call those my timmys' I LOVE BRO..JENNIFFER I WOULD PUT THE OTHER THING YOU USED TO CALL ME BUT MOM WOULD GET MAD!!!!

Timmy:

Remember the picture below with Shyanne and Dylan... they were so cute! That picture was taken on Christmas Eve...2006 I believe...

 

I love you!

My Dear Timmy:

I just wanted you to know that this Friday November 6th there is a Memorial Mass for you at St. Michael's Church. I just need you to know that I love you and miss you! You are always in my heart! You are a huge part of my heart!

 

                            


                                            GOD BLESS YOU!